I wanted to take some time to say thank you to everyone who showed up for my birthday this year. Last week, I posted about how it’s always a difficult time of the year for me. And, in case you were on the edge of your seat wondering how it went (because I know ALL of you were), I wanted to let you know that yes, I did cry, but yes, it was because everyone was so nice and thoughtful and supportive of me this year that they were definitely happy tears. I thoroughly appreciated the messages, the cards, the phone calls, and the time everyone spent on/with me. Overall, it was a weekend full of celebrating, skiing, seeing old friends, creating some memories (and some injuries that I am definitely feeling today). If this is what 24 is all about, then I am ready to conquer!
(Here is the only insightful thing I have to share): When I was dating my long term boyfriend, I spent most of my time waiting for him to graduate, waiting for him to get a job, and waiting for him to grow up before I decided what I wanted for my own future. Now, I realized that, instead of trying to mold myself to someone else’s ideals, I can actually find someone who shares the same vision of the future as I do. So, since then, I have been devoting some of my time to deciding how I want that future to be shaped. I don’t know for certain how many kids I want, when I want to have them, where I want to raise them. I don’t know for certain if I want to stay in teaching, how long I want to spend on my master’s degree, when I want to quit coaching. I don’t really even know what I want my wedding to look like, or if I even want one. But, as I sat back at my birthday barbeque and watched the pure enjoyment ensue, I decided the one thing I know for certain is that I want to live in a house that is always welcoming of energy, socialization, and liveliness. I want to live somewhere that can house entertainment and annual parties and summer barbeques so that, when celebrations and holidays come, people already know what their plans are going to be and they already have a place they know they can go.
As many of you can probably relate, growing up in a divorced family means you experience the tragic feeling of loneliness all too often. My family always split holidays, so we would constantly have to leave one parent lonely, while we spent the holidays with the other. This was always so torturous for me, because I want to see everyone happy, all the time. I get so much enjoyment from socializing, meeting new people, and making fond memories that I want everyone else to have the same experiences. To me, spending time with people is the most valuable thing you can do, because you are creating memories and inside jokes that will last forever. My room mates and I spent some time today, laughing about the things that happened yesterday–the yellow cupcake frosting that is still in our hair, the weird kid that showed up, the mysterious smells that are coming out of the trashcan? I believe we spent too much time worrying and working that we forget life always has the potential to be a party and it was a truly profound experience to see everyone come together this week and know I can start make that vision of my future happen.
So, thank you to everyone who showed up for my birthday this year. This was the best present anyone could have ever given me.