Running Commentary in My Head, 78 Degress Outside, Friday Afternoon, 6th Period

My mom sent me this picture last week and it could not be any more accurate than how I am feeling right now:

Image

I took my class to the computer lab today to type up an essay. Here is what is going through my head as the period progresses:

Student: “What can I do to get my grade up?”
Me: “Tis the season for everyone to start caring about their grades. Where were you in January? Well, considering you have THREE weeks left, you should probably just quit and forget about graduating this year and start preparing for summer school.”

Student: “Hey, can I still turn in that assignment from February?”
Me: “First of all, I am not your friend. You should be referring to be as ‘The Benevolent One’. Second of all, no, you can’t turn that assignment in. Why don’t you focus on working on THIS assignment, that I know you aren’t turning in anyway.”

Student: “Do you think I should write about technology or the government?”
Me: “I don’t really care what you write about. To be honest with you, you currently have 85% in my class, which means your grade is not going anywhere so I am probably not really going to read what you write.”

Student: “I read somewhere that ‘Montag’ is supposed to symbolize Mondays, which are boring and monotonous but I don’t know how to fit that into my paper.”
Me: “Well, this just tells me that you read Sparknotes, not the book, so I am going to extra-scrutinize your paper when I grade it.”

Student: “Do you know what page I find that quote on?”
Me: “Well, first of all, I have NO idea what you are talking about. Second of all, of course I memorize books on my free time so that I can just spurt out page numbers when you need them. Of course I have no other life.”

Student: “Can you come help me?”
Me: “Do you NOT realize that the reason we are in the computer lab and the reason I am sitting here behind my computer is because I DON’T want to talk to you? Same thing when we watch a movie. All you need to do is sit down, shut up, and don’t touch each other and we will all get along just fine.”

Student: “How much time do we have left?”
Me: “2 minutes and 37 seconds (not that I am counting down or anything)”

….can it be summer vacation yet?

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