Readers, I am going to make a bet with you as to who my Prince Charming ends up being (However, judging by the way my dating life is looking, you should probably make a contract in which you can accrue interest for when it really happens)
They say, you either marry exactly what you think you will marry, or you will marry someone the complete opposite, and dating certainly is the venue you discover these things. I think what happens in these types of ‘identity crisis’ situations is that you put on a few different shells, try them out for a little bit of time, and shed them once you have decided, “Yuck this is NOT me”. I recently did a lot of shell popping and shell shedding myself, and based on these conclusions, am going to go out on a limb here and make my predictions of who I think I am going to marry.
He believes in God: They say the best marriages are those who put God first. I never understood this concept until recently. But, by putting God first, you are putting yourself not first, and in a marriage, it’s always about compromise and selflessness. Although I certainly would not discount anyone who wasn’t, my Prince Charming is probably someone who knows a lot about the Bible, and has been sturdy in his faith for a long time, simply because I recently re-claimed my own, and would really benefit from someone coaching me along and helping to fill in the cracks I have yet to fill.
He is gone. A lot: People always laugh at me when I say this, but I really need to marry someone who works a lot, travels a lot, is gone a lot. Heck, we could probably even live in different states and could still make it work. As it turns out, I am actually an introvert and really value my time alone, because these are the quiet moments I can process, learn, reflect, grow, and make meaning of my life. I start to feel incredibly stifled and agitated when I don’t get enough of this time alone. I also operate under a lot of free will; I want to go to yoga when I want to go to yoga, I want to go to bed when I want to go to bed, I want to talk to you when I want to talk to you. I am not going to be very happy if I have to suppress a lot of my individual desires in order to appease your need for my attention. I don’t do clingy.
He doesn’t dress well: There are some couples who look so stinking cute with their matching studded jeans and fancy sweaters and expensive boots, and you just want to take pictures of them. That certainly is not me, and I probably am not going to end up with someone who dresses better than I do. I don’t even know what a “Yurman” is.
He does finances: There is always this great debate of whether ‘birds like a feather flock together’ or ‘opposites attract’. I believe you must have a little bit of both. You need some of your lifestyle choices and philosophies to match up. For example, my Prince Charming was probably an athlete at some point. He likes to read books like I do, enjoys the outdoors. He hates dating, is nerdy, and probably a Boy Scout at some point. This is because we need common ground to bond on. However, there are some things that my Prince Charming has that I don’t have so that together, we can complement each other’s weaknesses. For example, he can do finances. I can’t; my form of budgeting is, “Just spend less than I make”, and my mom does my taxes. I understand nothing about the stock market, interest rates, home-buyer loans, etc., so I definitely need someone who can take care of that for me. And, while we are on that note, he also can fix stuff around the house, because I can’t do that either.
He represents the underdog: I really value hard work, and I want to be recognized for my hard work, rather than the kind of status I come from. Perhaps my Prince Charming is not the actual construction worker, but he is the one that supports the construction worker. Just like I do, he works in the trenches, and serves to uplift the underdog, those of a ‘lesser’ status. All the influential men in my life have always held these kind of jobs, where the build things for the betterment of society, whether it be through land maps, trains, or boats.
He has life experience: I believe that it is through life experience that we gain wisdom and perspective of the world. And boy do I have some life experience to bring to the table. We all get our life experiences at different times in our lives. Some of us grow up in cookie cutter families. Our college is paid for, someone hands us a car, we don’t have to get a job so we can focus on school. And, then we meet our life experience at 24, or 25, or 26, when we find out we aren’t quite as qualified for that job as we thought, or that car breaks down in the middle of a no-cell service, or we realize we can’t spend frivolously. I dated someone like this one time, and while it was fulfilling to share my wisdom, it was also frustrating that our perspectives didn’t match up, and I felt myself constantly feeling like his mom. Or, there are those of us on the flip side, who struggle in the early parts of our lives, and hopefully the later years, we can prosper. I fit in that category and I definitely need someone who can match my level of experience and wisdom. I am not sure what his “life experience” is: surviving cancer, losing a beloved family member unexpectedly, recovering from an addiction, getting divorced, etc., but it is certainly something.
He does not get intimidated: Let’s face it. I live an incredibly intense life. The person I am in the morning is never the same person I am when I return home. I know a lot about a lot of things. I have high expectations for those I deem my friends, and I tend to work people really hard. I am super competitive and I win often. I am involved in lots of different social circles, and my name comes up often. And, my Prince Charming never minds any of this.
He carries similar morals and values: I’m not saying that my morals and values are supreme, but if he thinks its ok to throw trash out the window while driving, and thinks it’s ok to talk to all of his exes, and admits to drinking and driving on frequent occasions, then there are probably many other things we will also disagree on. I mean, we all make bad decisions and have bad judgment calls, but if our morals and values don’t come from a similar strand, there are likely going to be some problems down the road.
They say when you meet him, you just know. Everything just falls into place. All of your anxieties go away. Suddenly, you don’t feel a rush to “get married” because you just have faith that everything will set into place.
I will let you know when my Prince Charming comes…