I recently realized I basically have one single friend (Steph). Everyone else is coupled off; they are either already married or about to be married. So, when I hear “all my friends are engaged”, here’s what I remind myself:
First of all, my female relationships are stronger because we are no longer fighting over male attention. In high school, and sometimes college, you are always really competitive with your female friends in order to attract the most male attention (the more male attention I attract, the greater probability I have that there is one I actually like). You try to wear the skimpiest outfit, the most make up, have the loudest laugh. I can’t tell you how many friendships I had that were ruined because we ended up liking the same guy. But, the good news is, since my friends are all coupled off now, I know that her Prince Charming is certainly not MY Prince Charming (I couldn’t deal with his stinky feet), so we can focus our relationship on more meaningful stuff–you know, like improving our batting averages, sharing stories about our traveling adventures, and petting cute puppies at the dog park (since we really are not interested in the cute guy attached to the cute puppy anymore).
And, it actually makes dating much easier. Some people say, “all the good ones are already taken”, which is slightly true, but then again, now I don’t have as large of a pool that I have to sift through before I find my future husband. It used to be that I might meet ten guys, and have to try them all out before I decided they weren’t my type. Now, there might only be five of those guys left, and I automatically know none of them are working out, so I can spend my time on more productive measures. This means that some of the crappy ones are ALSO already taken, so I don’t have to worry about them bugging me either.
Secondly, I have to remind myself that I was once loved. I think we sometimes get greedy with love. We think that we must always have it that we forget to be grateful for the times we once had it. I was fortunate to spend seven Christmas’, seven Valentine’s Days, and seven (well, actually six because that blew up before) birthday’s with someone. There’s probably lots of people in this world who never have those experiences, and I’m really lucky I could experience those feelings. The good news is, I can always revisit those memories in my mind when I want to. I can remember how loved I felt when those beautiful roses showed up in my school’s office. When those songs come on the radio, I can remind myself how giddy I was for him to open my package. Just because we might have fallen out of love and things didn’t work out does not discount the fact that I was, if only for a short period of time, very loved.
Third, I remind myself my priority right now is not dating and that there is nothing I would hate more than planning a wedding at this point in my life. One reason I am so against online dating is that it takes SO much time. You have to set up a profile, go through profiles of so many people, start conversations and talk to them until your creep-o meter stops going off, you go on a couple different dates. All of that takes so much time that I don’t really have (Good thing there are websites like Reviews.Com that have taken the time out of finding the best dating website. Their recommendation? OKCupid). My life is awesome. I love my job, I love my friends, I love where I live. I have great experiences, I’ve been to great places and done great things. It took me some time to build my life back up, but I’m really happy with what I’m doing right now, and I kind of just want to spend this time, appreciating where all of that hard work led me.
Things happen differently for different people. Some people meet their spouses in high school, someone people meet their spouses at the grocery store, some people meet their spouses on awkward blind dates. It just so happens that, for whatever reason, its time for all of my friends to get engaged, and I’m just supposed to be enjoying the party. I mean, it would have been really nice to have someone else to scare off the mouse that interrupted my slumber earlier this week, but then again, I’m learning some really important life lessons that can only benefit me in the future. I’m learning how to fix my car when it breaks (or a grasshopper gets sucked up in the fuel line). I’m learning how to find my way around downtown. I’m still trying to learn how to cook. Someday in my life, I’ll be the one who is supposed to be engaged, but just not now. Plus, the longer I wait, the more money my friends hopefully make, so the nicer gifts I get.
Whenever I’m feeling void, desolate, a little lonely, I always remind myself that, while all of my friends are engaged, I’m not, because I’m not supposed to be. As Oscar Wilde once said, “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring”. So, I turn on my Michael Buble, “I Just Haven’t Met You Yet”. I watch my episode of “Once Upon a Time” when Snow falls in love with Prince Charming. I read my favorite literary character, John Grady. I observe some really cute couples in love. I thumb through some old pictures. And, all my friends being engaged doesn’t seem to bother me anymore.