I have a bit of a confession to make.
For the last few years, I’ve been writing all this stuff about ‘relationships’ and ‘dating’ and ‘being single’, and to be quite honest, it was all speculation and theory; I didn’t know if “Prepping for Prince Charming” was actually a real thing, or if it was actually a good idea to “Go on a Dating Sabbatical”, or even if “My Break Up Project” was even successful; they were all just kind of ideas and theories that I wanted to spit out, to see if it would gain any momentum, if any of my ideas were even close to being valid.
Many of you probably stumbled across my blog, read a few posts, and thought to yourself, “Hm, I wonder where she’s at now”. Let me introduce you to Mike:
We met through a mutual friend. One day at my Bible study, I shared my checklist (must have overcome a tragic life event, must be analytical, must like dancing), and one of the girl’s eyes lit up and she said, “My husband has a friend you HAVE to meet”. She exchanged numbers, he asked me to go kayaking (in November), he picked me up at the house, etc. etc. At first, I was a little disappointed. I mean, come on, I’m Britany Ederveen; I was supposed to meet my Prince Charming through some kind of elaborate story, like he dropped from the sky while parachuting and incidentally ended up on my front porch; or, in a random shuffle of seats on an airplane, we ended up next to each other and talked to each other for the five hour flight; or, my friends secretly signed me up for ‘The Bachelor’ and I actually stole Nick’s heart. But, as we settled into life together, and he so perfectly fit into my very busy schedule, I realized that this was actually the story that I was destined to have (and it was actually cute that he, also, was an avid reader of my blog before we met).
All of you will also say this about your boyfriends and husbands and significant others (to which you should), but Mike is the best. He is so patient, so kind, caring, compassionate. He is humble, listens well, is always thinking about others before himself (he had ‘This is Us’ recording after the Super Bowl before I even had to ask–and he doesn’t even like the show); he is everything I always knew I wanted, and everything I never knew I needed.
I’m now an even firmer believer in you receive what you cultivate. I can’t say that I necessarily believe we are all destined to a “One True Only”, and no matter what we do, we will eventually end up with that person, because I think we are given opportunities and choices, and if we listen and follow those instructions, and are obedient, then we reap the benefits. I theorized before that, if you want to find a husband, then you have to shift your mentality from finding someone who want to ‘date’ and ‘get along with’, to someone you can see sustaining a future with (these look like two very different kinds of people), and it wasn’t until I was effectively able to shift that focus that I found him. Had I met Mike five years ago, I probably would not have picked him–because I was still in the “dating” mindset and he would have been too good for me. My head was too far in the clouds, dreaming of becoming an NFL wife and lounging at the pool all day and getting thousands of likes on my Instagram posts, and I truly believe it is due to the self-exploration (that at times was very difficult and required me to be brutally honest with myself), and the path I decided to take that lead me to him–as the Existentialists would say, we have the power to choose who we want to be.
The advice I’d give to the newly single? Enjoy your single years, for while they may seem long and treacherous right now, when you find the right person, all of that time feels like just a momentary stopping point; some of my fondest memories came from being single–traveling solo, being the third wheel, staying up all night because no one else cared if I left the light on–and I would never take back those moments, even if some of them were painful, defeating, tumultuous. You are allowed to wallow in your singleness for one single Taylor Swift song, and then go out and enjoy yourself–this kind of 20-something singleness is a unique and once-in-a-lifetime stage, so bask in it. Go to concerts, plan girls trips, sign up for some art classes, become engaged in your world.
And, invest in yourself. You deserve greatness–you deserve someone who adores you, someone who comes to all of your yoga classes without even being asked, someone who champions for your dreams and wishes, someone who sits with you in silence on the telephone because they miss you so much–but you also have to be the kind of person who would attract that other kind of person. Marriage, companionship is set up to last a lifetime, and you want to make sure you are doing it with someone who fits you well, and that has the qualities to make it work. For me, this meant that I needed to shift my focus from someone who could purchase me a large, fancy house (who might also come equipped with some questionable values), to someone who established a strong work ethic (who maybe hadn’t inherited fortunes). And, this also meant that I had to change my own lifestyle–if I wanted to attract the guy with the strong work ethic, and not the fancy and materialistic one, then I also needn’t be those things–I also needn’t care about fancy cars and fancy clothes and how much money other people made. But, in the end, it was all worth it, and I’d never give Mike back for a fancy car with a diamond encrusted license plate frame.
So, as it turns out, my Break Up project was successful, it was worth prepping for that Prince Charming, and single hood isn’t so bad, after all.
(If you want to experience his awesomeness for yourself, check out his video below)