10 Things About Love Bachelorette Becca Taught Me

10. Concrete answers pass you onto the next level: On her hometown with Garrett, Becca mentioned one of her frustrations with Arie was that he was never concrete with her–he was always abstract?–so it was important to her that Garrett give her concrete answers. And, to appease her anxieties, Garrett’s concrete answer was, “My job is mobile so I can move anywhere with you.”

(….does that seem like an abstract answer to anyone else? In my head, an abstract answer is something intangible, something not set in stone, something not able to be seen, touched, felt, etc., and a concrete answer would be something I can see, feel, touch, so it would be something like, “I will move to Oregon with you in August when the show is over.”

And, on that note, I’d like to know, concretely, what Becca means when she says, “We’ve always been on the same page”, “We’ve always been really open to each other”, “What we have is really special”.)

9. Getting dumped means you are a loser: We all watched that super painful #Blakedown series with Blake last night (why didn’t someone give him a towel earlier?…) and (besides repeating “alone….alone….alone”), Blake kept asking himself, “What did I do wrong?” Like football, or a game of chess, Becca teaches us that, if we don’t get a rose, then there is something wrong with us, we did something wrong, and we are losers. Chris Harrison even eggs this on; in his conversation with Blake on ATFR, Chris asks Blake, “what do you think went wrong? were there any red flags?”

Sometimes we do get dumped because there is something wrong with us (our feet smell really bad because we don’t shower, we are addicted to gambling and can’t pay our rent, we have racist views), and sometimes, two decently made people just can’t be together for whatever reason, and that doesn’t make one a loser and one a winner; it just means you weren’t a “good fit” for each other.

8. Love has deadlines: Like Becca, we should all probably make Google calendar appointments to make decisions about who we are cutting and who we are keeping; we date at the beginning of the week, and then we have to make a decision by the end of the week whether we continue that relationship or not.

….that would actually probably make dating much easier, right? If we said, “I’m going to meet guys on Monday, and then by Sunday, I’m going to decide which ones I like, and then cut all of the other ones.” This would make love less messy, more predictable, less anxiety-inducing, because then we would have a better forecast of the future, right?

But, the truth of the matter is, in real life, love doesn’t work this way. We could meet someone on a Tuesday, go on a date on a Friday, decide to dump them on Saturday, or maybe next Friday, or maybe not at all.

7. If you want to win, you have kiss her by Date 2, you have to say, “I’m falling in love with you” at Date 3, and “I’m in love with you” by Date 4; otherwise, you will be on the chopping block: Throughout the season, Becca had mile markers for the guys. She would say, “if he doesn’t say ‘I love you’ today, then I’m sending him home” (Jason). According to her strategic schedule, this is probably why Blake and Garrett made it to the end–each of them hit those milestones when they were supposed to.

This, to me, kind of sounds like a “got ya” game. Becca will say, “I need Colton to say this by this date” or “I need Grocery Store Joe to do this tonight” in order to keep them. That, in the design of the show, contestants have certain levels to hit, and if they don’t hit those levels in time, they get voted off the island (right, kind of like playing Super Mario Brothers…). But, how are the guys supposed to know at what level gets what prize?

6. Being a ‘team’ looks like sipping wine and watching dolphins swim together: In choosing between Blake and Garrett, Becca and her sister discussed the importance of “being a team”–that both she and Garrett, and she and Blake work together like a team that will be important in marriage, raising a family, etc. And of course, Becca knows this by when they rode around on bikes together, gazed at the sunsets, floated around on the catamaran, drinking wine, and cuddling.

I mean, I could be wrong (I’m not married), but in my opinion, working as a team means, when you set up the campsite, this person holds down this side of the tent while the other person sticks in the poles. Or, working as a team means, we have a wedding tonight and have been working all week, so this person goes to the bank to pull out some cash while the other person scurries to King Soopers to pick out a card. Or, there’s a sick puppy at home, so this person takes the morning off, and this person takes the afternoon off to take care of it.

…maybe there is footage we have not seen yet, but I’m not sure cruising around on bikes and wining and dining gives you much information of how you ‘work together as a team’…

5. The best way to overcome a breakup is to get engaged to someone else: This is the message we keep returning to in the reason, right? Arie broke Becca’s heart like two months ago, so the best remedy for Becca is to date a bunch of other guys so she can get engaged to someone else.

(Did anyone find it a little unfair to Blake on their first date, when they were beating up Arie stuff? Shouldn’t Blake have had an opportunity to beat up his ex-girlfriend stuff too? And, isn’t it a little hypocritical of the Bachelor franchise to say “Boo Arie, he’s a bad man” while simultaneously supporting Arie and Lauren’s relationship?…)

4. Marry (actually, be engaged) to someone like your dad: Essentially, Becca picked Garrett because Garrett reminded her more of her dad than Blake did; she says that she liked that Garrett fished, just like her dad used to, and that he would have approved of Garrett.

(…does this seem a little bit Oedipal to anyone else?…)

3. We should share every intimate step in our relationship with our families: In all of the hometowns and when the final two meet Becca’s parents, we see the happy couple sharing all of the intimate details of their relationship with their families–they share about when they get the First Impression Rose and why Becca gave it to him (duh, because she thought he was hunky), they share about their first one-on-one dates and their first kisses, and when he first says “I love you” to her–all of the intimate details (except maybe the Fantasy Suites, but maybe they share about how fun it was to wake up next to each other with perfect make up on?)

2. When you break up with someone, you should hug them, kiss them, hold their hand, and reassure them that they are a great person: We can all see the moment in Blake’s face when he realizes that Becca is not picking him. Becca’s sentiment to Blake when she wasn’t picking him was that he was always the front runner from the beginning, they always had really great chemistry, he is a great guy, and then she gives him a big hug, grabs his hand, and asks to walk him out.

Now, maybe it’s just because I am an overanalyzer (and the more words you give me, the more loving those gestures are, the more I have to overanalyze), but if you are breaking up with someone, I really feel like it is only fair to them to do it as curtly and as succinctly as possible. Rip off the Band-Aid, let them start their grieving ASAP so they can get on with their lives; the more we talk about it, the worse the situation gets.

1.Former Bachelor contestants are experts on love because, well, they’ve been on the show before: Every season, we see a clip of former Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants going on the show to give advice to the lead on who she/he should pick. I recently saw a headline the other day that said, “Rachel weighs in on Garrett’s InstaGram Scandal”. How come, just because these people have been on the show, are they suddenly experts in these fields and we, as viewers, should trust their expert opinions?…

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